


When The Lights Go Down

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, insecure! Justin, insecure! Olli
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-09-12 22:05:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9092551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: Justin's move from Edmonton to Pittsburgh marks a clean slate for him, but his time in Edmonton left its scars. Olli is a little bit of a misfit on the team, he's not quite a rookie but he doesn't have a family either. After his best friend was traded to Toronto, there's been an unfilled hole in his life. As Justin finds his home in Pittsburgh, he also finds a warm friendship with Olli. Together they seek redemption and chase after a Stanley Cup, discovering along the way that their chemistry on and off the ice might better translate into a relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Columbarius13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Columbarius13/gifts).



> If you haven't read Columbarius's gorgeous fic of these two go and read it! I didn't start shipping these two or was even a really big fan of theirs until after I read it. 
> 
> I know they aren't the most conventional couple, but I think there's a quiet kindness and vulnerability that they both share and they are canonically good friends. In this universe there's not the same homophobia that is so prevalent in Hockey culture. 
> 
> As a warning, there might be mentions of Olli's past thyroid cancer. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and enjoy.

There was a dryness in Justin’s mouth as he handed over his passport to the security agent. It was clear that he was recognized as a slight frown crossed the agent’s face. At least they were professional enough to sign off on his one-way ticket to Pittsburgh without any further commentary. He sat at his gate, knowing that he probably should buy something to eat before boarding, but unable to muster up an appetite. He was wearing a baseball hat for the local Kelowna team that nobody really followed but was a reminder of home. 

The televisions were turned on to various stations and ESPN was already covering his trade. The headline was taunting him in big, white font EDMONTON HOPEFUL TRADED TO PITTSBURGH. He knew he should look away, put in some earbuds and wait until his flight was called for, but instead he couldn’t peel his eyes away from the screen. He saw Todd McLellan and Peter Chiarelli appear in pre-recorded video clips and even though he couldn’t read the closed-captioning from where he was sitting. It was for the better though, because he knew they were probably selling the same narrative that they’d been hinting at for the past few months.  _ We’re disappointed in Justin. He’s just not panning out for us. _

He was surprised that Pittsburgh had put in a bid for him. Not that he wasn’t grateful for it, but he knew that his numbers were down. Thankfully, a flight attendant came on the announcement and called for Flight AA 4921 to Pittsburgh to start boarding.

He had gotten the window seat but as he folded himself into the seat he wished that it had been in the aisle. The person sitting next to him turned out to be an older businessman who regrettably seemed to recognize him. 

“You’re Justin Schultz, right?”

“Yes,” Justin replied.

“Sorry about what happened.”

“Thanks,” Justin said, hoping that the other man would get the hint and stop talking.

“I think they should have traded some of the second and third-liners. Your numbers weren’t that bad until this year, but I think they could have built the defense around Connor…”

Justin tried to be interested, but he didn’t want to spend the entire flight as a hostage to his neighbor’s fantasy football mumblings. As politely as he could he cut off the man, “I’m sorry, I’m going to have a busy day tomorrow, so I’m going to take a nap.”  
He felt a tinge of guilt when the man’s face dropped in disappointment, but tried to push it away. For the next several days, he would be forced to talk about the move and pretend it didn’t bother him, so he couldn’t be blamed for trying to carve out a couple of hours without talking about it. 

He put on his headphones and rested his head up against the window idly watching as the clouds passed below. His mind was blank and yet filled with memories of the home that he was leaving and he wasn’t sure if he was glad that nobody knew the real reason or not. 

He didn’t sleep the entire flight to Pittsburgh, but even if he did, it wouldn’t have been restful. There were only a few suitcases waiting for him at the baggage claim- the rest was either sent home to his parent in Kelowna or given away to his former teammates. 

Sid had said that he’d be picking Justin up from the airport to take him to his temporary lodgings at the hotel. He just beeped near the arrivals and Justin looked up to see a black Range Rover pull up in front of him. They’d agreed that it would be for the best that Sid just waited in the car since his presence would probably amass a large crowd. 

He helped Justin with his bags and unlocked the passenger seat for Justin to get in. Sid must have been familiar with this routine because he didn’t even need a GPS to drive to the hotel. 

“Things will be different here,” Sid said as he drove away from the airport. Justin wasn’t sure what exactly he was referring to. He didn’t know how much Sid knew or if he had heard the rumors that had spread throughout the Oilers community. Sid being Sid had almost surely heard something, but Justin wasn’t about to disclose more than necessary. 

“Hopefully,” Justin replied. 

Sid shot him a glance but they didn’t anymore about that. “Do you know anyone on the team?” Sid asked.

“Not really, I met Nick Bonino back in Anaheim a few years ago, but we’re not particularly close.”

“We’re a pretty tightknit group, though the rookies can be a bit much sometimes, they’re all good guys.”

Justin just nodded as Sid gave a quick rundown of the guys. Of course he’d heard of and played against most of them, but wasn’t close with them. 

“Anything I should know before practice tomorrow?” Justin asked.

“Don’t piss Sully off, he’s a nice guy, good coach, but you don’t want to be on his bad side.”

“I think I already am,” Justin muttered knowing that he came with a reputation.

Sid stopped the car in front of the hotel and promised that someone else would be by in the morning to pick him up. He didn’t know who yet, but he promised that it’d be one of the guys. 

Justin went to go leave the car, but Sid’s hand reached and held him back for a moment. 

“Pittsburgh’s a clean slate for you, okay, let’s make the most of it, okay,” Sid said. Once again, there seemed to be a double meaning behind Sid’s words, but Justin didn’t ask to clarify them. He just thanked Sid, grabbed his bags and headed into the hotel to check in and rest before the busy next day.  


	2. Chapter 2

A Pens TV crew waited in the office to record the initial moments of Justin being a Penguins. Both Jim and Sully were there to welcome him. After the initial pleasantries were exchanged and Justin said his first impressions of the club and the city Jim motioned for the camera crew to leave. 

“We can only offer you a year’s contract so far, but we want to see how you fit in and there is room for an extension, okay?”  
“Okay, and thank you for this opportunity,” Justin said. 

“Good, and Justin, I don’t care what happens in your personal life so long as it doesn’t transfer onto the ice. I trust that what happened in Edmonton won’t happen again here,” Jim Rutherford said, but held Justin’s gaze steadily.

“It won’t.”

“It’s up to you what you feel comfortable telling your teammates, we’ll keep Edmonton’s narrative as the official story, though.”

“That’s fine,” Justin said, knowing that he probably wouldn’t tell his teammates anything, though from the conversation that he’d had with Sid they had probably heard at least some of the rumors. 

“Okay, then let’s get you your equipment and see you on the ice.”

The camera follows Justin down as he meets the equipment manager and gets his skates sharpened and his stick taped. 

He’s one of the last to make it on the ice, but still gets there in time to not be late. A few guys, especially some of the older ones take the time to introduce themselves and Justin’s nerves begin to subside. 

It was only a few minutes into practice when one of the rookies, Bryan, Justin thought, glanced between Justin and the rafters. Everyone slowly glided to a stop and glanced at Justin some doing a better job than others at hiding it. Justin looked towards Olli and Sid who were stifling their own laughs and looked up at the rafters to where his suit was hanging. “NEW GUY” was badly written in stick tape on the back of his suit.

He remembered the pranks that were pulled on him as a rookie in Edmonton and for the first time since his transfer he had a genuine smile on his face. The team was waiting to see how he’d react and Justin knew this was a test to see how he’d fit in, but he was genuinely happy about it. 

“How the hell did it get up there?” He muttered but laughed along with the others. 

Judging by the way that Flower was mercilessly laughing and the smirk that Sid uselessly tried to hide, Justin was pretty sure he knew who the main culprits were. 

The rest of practice went smoothly, though most of the guys made predictable plays that Justin knew of. By the time the practice was over, he was dripping sweat and knew he’d have to face the media scrum to talk about his first impressions and most likely the prank that they all witnessed.

“I have my suspects,” Justin said with a smile, “But nobody’s fessed up to it yet.”  
Rusty and Sid were both asked about it and neither gave anything away. 

“Are you excited to join the Penguins?” A reporter asked. 

“Yeah, I mean the Penguins are a great team, you have great talent like Sid and Geno and I’m really excited to be here.”  
He answered a few more questions before heading to the showers and soaking under the hot water. He was one of the last ones out, most had taken Justin’s arrival as a way to evade the media and to head home early. 

Olli was seated on the bench, busy looking at his phone. “Hey.”

“You stayed,” Justin said. 

“Yeah, I’m your ride home,” Olli said as if it were obvious. 

“Oh, I thought I’d just get an Uber.”  
“We’re not that kind of team,” Olli said, completely looking away from his phone to stare at Justin with a seriousness that didn’t suit him. 

Justin didn’t know what to say so he just changed into his clothes. “Do you know how to get my clothes down?”

“Yeah, we’ll go to the light guy. It’s hung from the rafters and that’s pretty much his domain.”

“Has this happened before?” Justin asked.

“Yes,” Olli laughed, “More times than they’d like, but it’s a funnier welcome than just getting you a cake or something.”  
“Was it Flower?” 

“Probably, but nothing happens on this team without Sid knowing and Tanger is often the one behind the scenes,” Olli explained as he led Justin towards the lighting manager’s office. 

“Hey, are you in the mood to help us out?” Olli asked the man sitting behind his desk. 

“The suit thing, again?” The lighting manager asked, though he probably knew the answer himself. 

“Oh yeah.”  
“Come on, welcome to the team ‘new guy’,” the manager said as he led them up to the rafters to hoist Justin’s suit back up.

“Is that going to be my nickname?” Justin asked.

“Nah, you’ll lose it shortly. What did they call you up in Edmonton?” Olli asked.

“Schultzy,” Justin said.

“Wow. Very creative,” Olli said. 

Justin just snorted but smiled and for the first time in a while, he thought that everything might be okay.


	3. Chapter 3

Olli took Justin back home with his suit hanging in the back. “Well, you’ve survived day one,” Olli said with a smile. 

“Now, just day two,” Justin said.

“It becomes easier, for the first couple of weeks I just kind of stared at Sid and Geno in the locker room.”

Justin just laughed.

“What? It was overwhelming,” Olli said. 

“I was with Connor last year,” Justin said and he feels an overwhelming sense of longing at the familiarity of the past.

“Hey, I don’t care what anybody says, but Connor is no Sid, at least not yet.”

Justin chuckled weakly and Olli spent a few seconds scrutinizing his expression.

“Olli, stop. STOP! It’s a red light.”  
The car didn’t slow down though and instead just plowed through the traffic light as if it was only a suggestion. 

“Shit, sorry.”  
Justin’s face turned to horror as he began to realize what a terrible driver Olli was. 

“They do have stop lights in Finland, don’t they?”

“Ah, you do chirp,” Olli said with a smile. “Don’t worry I only driver through every third red light.”  
It was meant to be a light statement, but Justin couldn’t help but worry that it was closer to the truth. 

The conversation flowed, though, with ease until they arrived at Justin’s hotel. “Hey, good job today and I’ll pick you up tomorrow, okay?”  
“Thanks, Olli.”

 

Justin was ready the next day for Olli to arrive, but instead, Sid pulled up to his hotel and went in to greet Justin. 

“Hey,” Sid said. 

“Hey, I thought Olli was picking me up,” Justin said.

“Sorry, you got me instead,” Sid said without further explanation as to why Olli was missing. This was Edmonton all over again, he was being passed off from one teammates to another already.

“I didn’t mean it as a bad thing,” Justin clarified.

“I know,” Sid said simply.

The conversation doesn’t come as naturally with Sid as it did with Olli, mostly because Justin doesn’t know what he did for Olli to request the switch and because he doesn’t know what Sid knows about him. 

“The guys were impressed with you yesterday,” Sid said.

“Yeah? I didn’t really do much,” Justin said.

“No, you showed skill, I mean you don’t know all the plays, but that will come with time,” Sid said. 

“Thanks,” Justin said.

The conversation was stilted for the remainder, but Justin had the impression that Sid wasn’t really a morning person either and that conversation outside of the rink was a little difficult. 

“Have you thought about where you’re going to live?” Sid asked.

“I don’t know, I truthfully haven’t given that much of a thought,” Justin said.

“Well, you should probably get your car pretty soon because they have some long President’s Day sales that are ending pretty soon.”

“Thanks,” Justin said.

“And Geno and I and a few of the others live up in Sewickley, but a lot of the younger guys are in apartments in Pittsburgh. It’s a good city if you’re single there’s always something going on downtown. I know that Olli’s apartment building has some empty ones and Rusty just moved to a new place so you might want to ask them for more details.”

“I will, thanks, I guess I just don’t want to get too attached.”

Sid doesn’t really say anything to that and Justin’s glad because Sid has never been in his position before where his spot on the team was questioned. “You should get your apartment soon, I never liked living out of a hotel room.”

 

Most of the team is already there by the time they arrive except for Geno who Sid explained always runs late.

Justin heads to his locker which is right next to Olli’s who is bent over and busy fixing his skates. #3 is next to #4, right?

“Hey,” Justin said.

“Hi,” Olli replied. 

The burning question was on the tip of his tongue, but he was afraid to ask it. 

“You know I wasn’t serious yesterday about your driving,” Justin said.

“I know,” Olli said with a smile, “Though you’d probably be right to, my-, Kaspari, well my friend used to always get on me about that. I know how bad of a driver I am.”

“I just thought you might have taken it seriously and that was why Sid came to pick me up,” Justin explained.

Olli’s face scrunched up as he tried to follow Justin’s logic. “Oh God, no, no, just I wanted to stay after to work on some extra drills and I didn’t want you to have to stick around so I just asked Sid, but I’m not mad at you or anything, did you really think that?”

“I just wasn’t sure,” Justin said feeling embarrassed that he had jumped so far in his conclusions.

“No man, we’re fine.”

Practice went better now that Justin had that off of his chest. He knew some of the moves he was making were risking, pushing the forwards up quickly but if there was a turnover then he wouldn’t be able to get back on defense as quickly. 

The plan worked though, as he passed to Phil who then relayed it back and forth between Bones and Horny until Bones tapped it in. “Good job, Schultzy,” Horny said as he toggled Justin’s helmet and Justin couldn’t help but beam under the praise. 

  
  


Olli stayed on the ice with a few of the rookies after most of the veterans have left. Sid had to meet with Sully for a few minutes. Justin didn’t mind. He had changed, but he watched as a few defenders all tried to fill in the gaps for the missing goalies and forwards in their practice. Olli was much more skilled than the rest, it was clear and yet Olli moved with a tenacity that was rarely seen with established players. 

“Ready to go?” Sid asked and snapped him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah, all set?” Justin asked.

“Sure, it was just about a drill. You and Olli seem to be getting along,” Sid said as he nodded towards the rink.

“I guess it’s a defenders thing.”  
Sid shrugged, “I feel bad for him. I mean we all get along with him, but he doesn’t really have close friends here. We hang out sometimes, but I don’t think I’m really the best to hang out with and put hockey aside, you know.”

“He seems like a nice guy,” Justin said, feeling a need to defend Olli.

“Oh, he is, he’s great, been through a lot too, but all of his Finnish friends have left. I mean it was bad with Jussi, that was who he lived with when he first arrived, but it hasn’t been the same since Kaspari was traded to Toronto.”

“Were they close?”

“They were two terrors together,” Sid said with a fond smile. “He got traded in the Kessel deal. I mean we all know hockey’s a business, but it really sucks when your best friends leave.”  
“I don’t really know, I’m on the opposite end of it, I guess.”  
Sid shrugged. “Either way, I think you two will get along.”  
“I do too,” Justin said.

His phone vibrated in his jeans and he distractedly fished it out.    

_ Hey, I’m worried about you. Hope Pittsburgh’s good. Give me a call later, okay. _

Justin frowned, even though he had deleted the contact, he still recognized the number in a second. 

“Do you need to get that?” Sid asked.

“No,” Justin replied. “Just something from Edmonton.” He shoved the phone back into his pocket and ended the conversation with that just staring out the window of Sid’s black Range Rover and waiting until he got home. He didn’t want to remember that part of Edmonton again. Not ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are <3 Let me know what you think please! And thanks for reading. Feel free to stop by theempressofpenguin.tumblr.com for a chat


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had writer's block for the longest time, but this is a little short filler chapter for the next update which I promise will be intense. Enjoy! and hopefully our boys get better. Comments are <3.

Justin goes to the first game of being a Penguin, but sits in the crowd to watch the game. Sully said that he’d consider playing him in the next game or two. He blends in well with the crowd, the majority of whom were settling in for a game after a long work week. 

Duper ended up sitting next to him for the game and for that reason alone, a few people stopped to talk to Duper and Justin saw the older man’s face pinch up in pain as he was thanked for his time as a player. It was well known throughout the league what had happened to Duper and Justin knew that in cases like this it would have been better if the fans just didn’t say anything at all.

Justin didn’t really know what to say or do in that situation so instead he’d just ask questions to Duper about the blueliners. They weren’t profound questions or ones that Justin himself couldn’t answer with just a little more observation, but it kept the conversation flowing and superficial and Duper occasionally gave him a wan smile that Justin interpreted as gratitude. 

“Are you coming?” Muzz asked. 

“Sure, I guess,” Justin shrugged. 

“It’s a post-win tradition.”

“It’s not,” Sid said.

“Ok, fine, not all wins, but come on, it’s Schultzy’s first game,” Connor said. 

Sid doesn’t put up much of a fight and Justin just sits down on the bench as he waited for the others to finish showering and changing. 

They came out wrapped with towels around their waists and Justin played with his phone as a distraction while they all got dressed. “You ready?” Olli asked after he’d changed into jeans and a black v-neck that clung to him almost sinfully. 

“Yeah, am I going with you?” Justin asked.

“You can go with whoever you want,” Olli said, “You’re not a burden, you’re a teammate.”

Justin almost staggered at the way Olli’s words cut through him directly, “Uh, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Olli said with a bright smile. 

“Where are we heading?” Olli asked. 

Bryan gave him the name of a bar that seemed to be a regular haunt and Olli slung his bag over his shoulder and led Justin to his car in the parking lot.

“What did you think of the game?” Olli asked as he navigated through the Pittsburgh streets. 

“We had to wait for these two to finish signing autographs,” Flower said as he nodded towards Sid and Geno.

Sid at least had the decency to look meek while Geno just didn’t even care.

“New guy buys the first round!”

Justin looked surprised, thinking that the jokes had ended with the suit escapade, but perhaps this was the second part of his “welcoming routine”. 

Olli leaned over, “Don’t worry, Sid and Tanger always end up picking up the bill.”

“At least get the drinks,” Flower said. 

“That I can do,” Justin said.

He headed up to the bar order at least the first round. Everyone else was okay with beer except for Geno who had requested a bottle of vodka. Justin waited at the bar while the bartenders filled stein after stein with beer knowing that it would take a few minutes as they tried to juggle the Pens’ big order with the rest of their customers. 

“Hi,” a voice called from behind. Justin turned to see a pretty blonde woman approach him. For a moment he thought that she was talking to someone else but when she came a little closer he knew that she was there for him. 

He sensed the eyes of his teammates watching him. “I’m here with my teammates,” Justin said, “Sorry.”

‘Oh,” the woman’s face fell, but she mustered a smile. “Let me give you my number then, for sometime when you’re not with your teammates.” She scrawled her number on a napkin and handed it to Justin who graciously accepted it and shoved it in his pocket.

“Thanks,” Justin said, though they both knew that he probably wouldn’t call. 

 

He returned to the table with Geno’s bottle of vodka and as many steins of beer as he could hold in his hands. “Someone else is getting the next round,” Justin said as he slid beers around the table until everyone had one in front of them. 

“And someone’s getting lucky tonight,” Tom sing-songed from the other end of the table. 

“What?” Justin asked.

“Please, we all saw that girl give you her number,” Tom said, “Just a few weeks in Pittsburgh and already a ladykiller.”  

“Oh, nothing’s probably going to come of that,” Justin said.

“Why not?” Geno asked.

“Just because it’s not good timing, you know, moving to a new city, being with a new team, I just don’t want a girlfriend right now.”  
“It’s sex, nobody said that you have to date her or something,” Bryan shrugged.

“Says the guy in a committed relationship,” Conor chimed in and Justin was glad for the reprieve. He slowly sipped at his beer dipping his head low to the table as the conversation shifted to some of the guys reminiscing about their single days. When he looked up, though, he saw Sid looking at him with his all-knowing eyes and Justin knew that Sid saw through his excuse. He knew that some of his teammates from Edmonton would have all but ditched the rest of the guys for a one-night stand and maybe that was expected of him, but for as long as he could, he’d continue to make excuses that at least the rookies might buy. He didn’t notice, though that Olli was also looking at him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter suspends reality a little, but whatever, also as a warning there's a life-threatening situation in this chapter, but everyone is fine!!!

The day of Justin’s first game, he thought he would throw up. It was the same anxiety that had plagued him when he had first been called up to the NHL. The difference was that he had been wanted in Edmonton, he wasn’t so sure about where he stood with the Pens front office. His parents had offered to come down to Pittsburgh for his first game, Justin could tell from their voices that they wanted to check in on him too since that hadn’t seen him in person except for a brief FaceTime since he’d arrived in Pittsburgh. He told them that it was okay to just watch on TV. In all honesty, he didn’t know how much playing time he’d have or how the fans would receive him. He didn’t want to put his parents through yet another game where he was booed by his own fans. 

He pulled the jersey on over his padding and quietly prepared for the game. Horny was yelling something about how the Devils were going to see the puck on the wrong side of their net. They walked out of the dressing room and Sid held out his fist for a bump. “You got this,” Sid said.

Justin headed to the bench and watched as the starting five lined up on the ice. The game started and Justin watched as it unfolded. “Schultz, next change, you’re on,” the defensive coach said. When Tanger came off the ice, Justin jumped over the edge, feeling a sigh of relief only after he completed a shift without being scored on. The game wasn’t particularly memorable, nor was it one of his best performances, but they won. 

He pulled his helmet off in the locker room and smiled as he fielded some media questions about his first game as a Penguin. “It felt good to be back on the ice,” Justin said. “Really good.”

 

They were given permission to use the University of Pittsburgh’s pool for regeneration. It was one of several places that they had access to and the individual players were permitted to choose what would be best for them. Justin headed to the pool with the majority of the guys hoping to take advantage of the warm water temperatures in the middle of winter. He stripped down to his swim trunks and tossed the rest of his clothes in a spare locker. 

The pool had been shut down to the public as well as the rest of the students to provide the players some privacy. The rest of the guys all came out of the locker room with their swimming gear on ready to dip into the water. Most of them chose to go in the lanes for some swimming, had he not played hockey Justin would have probably been on the high school swim team. He shared a lane with Olli and Dales, both of whom were good, but not great swimmers. The purpose, though, was less about speed and exertion, but rather giving their muscles a break from the rigor of the skating rink. 

He let himself get absorbed in the rhythm of the laps taking one stroke at a time. It brought him back to the summer days in Kelowna when he’d swim with friends in the river. They never went too far, but over the years he’d built up strength and momentum to swim for a while. 

He only stopped when he noticed some people start to get out of the water did he stop at the edge of the pull and lift himself out. Trevor and Olli were still finishing up, but it seemed like practice was generally coming to a close. 

As more and more people got out of the pool Justin made idle conversation as they all waited for everyone to finish. Justin scanned for Olli hoping that he could talk to him after practice about the apartment thing. He’d been getting a little pressure from his agent and the higher ups to find a place now that he’d debuted and thought back to what Sid had suggested earlier. 

“Where’s Olli?” Justin asked as he looked at the guys who were making their way to the edge of the pool. He wondered if Olli had gotten out when he wasn’t looking or if he’d switched lanes at some point. Nobody really answered them, but as he looked and saw the shadow of someone submerged underwater. Olli. Justin’s heart sank as he realized that Olli was still in the pool, for God knows how long. 

Much to the others’ confusion, Justin dove back in. Panic guided his strokes until he was close enough to see that Olli was moving, just not quite swimming. Olli’s arms were struggling to get to the surface, but his legs didn’t move. Justin roughly grabbed him to get his head at least above the water.

“I got you,” Justin sputtered as he struggled to calm Olli down, “I got you.”

“Leg. Cramp,” Olli choked out.

“It’s okay,” Justin said. It was hard trying to move the two of them with only one arm and his feet. “You’re okay.” He wasn’t sure if he kept repeating it for Olli’s sake or his own. 

Thankfully, a few more players dove into the water after they saw why Justin had suddenly left. It would have been easier to get out of the pool if Olli had just let Justin drag him back, but he kept kicking and clawing as if that would speed up the process. With Trevor and Sid’s help, they manhandled him out of the water and onto the floor. 

Justin clung to the pool’s edge for support as his adrenaline turned to fatigue. The team crowded around Olli in concern as he coughed up some water he’d inhaled. “I’m fine, it was just a foot cramp,” Olli said though his breath was still winded. 

Seeing that Olli was shaken but okay, Trevor turned to Justin who remained in the pool and offered up his hand to pull Justin on the tile. He couldn’t help but lay back on the wet tiles for a few seconds in sheer exhaustion before he shakily stood up.

Sid wrapped Olli in an oversized University of Pittsburgh towel and did a brief survey of any potential injuries that he might have sustained. “Come on, let’s make sure you’re okay,” Sid said as he hauled Olli to his feet and cautiously wrapped an arm around his waist. 

“Thank God you saw,” Colesy said as they watched Sid guide Olli to get checked out. Justin didn’t really say anything, but felt the smallest bit of relief that Olli was walking and talking just fine and he’d probably be in practice tomorrow. Before he walked out of sight, Olli turned back to give Justin a faint smile of gratitude and Justin didn’t dare let his mind finish the rest of Ian’s thought.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short, but cute one.

Justin wondered if he should text Olli to check up on him or if that would be overkill. He’d typed out the message already  **are you okay?** but was hesitant to send it. Nevertheless, his concern and curiosity overcame his hesitation and he sent the message. Shortly thereafter, his phone vibrated with a response.

**Have you eaten yet?**

**No.** Justin replied. 

**I’ll bring the food.** Justin wasn’t really sure what was happening, but a little over twenty minutes later, there was a knock on his hotel door and he opened it. Olli was dressed in an oversized sweatshirt that looked too cold for the winter weather, and was waiting with two large plastic bags from a Chinese Takeout restaurant. “I got some different things, I wasn’t really sure what you like.”

“Is this on our diet plan?” Justin asked.

Olli just gave him a deadpan look. “I didn’t think I was going to have to fight you on this.”  
“No, no, I was just wondering,” Justin said. There were takeout containers of white rice, egg rolls, mu shu pork, orange chicken, and lo mein. On top were two forks, some chopsticks and two fortune cookies. 

They sat at the small table and put helpings of everything on their plates. “Thanks for bringing this,” Justin said. “You didn’t have to.”

Olli smiled but stopped eating. “I did. Um, I didn’t say it earlier, but thank you,” Olli said, “about what happened in the pool.”

Justin waved his hand, “It was nothing. You’d have been fine, anyways.”

“No, it was… you saved my life, thanks,” Olli said. 

“You’re welcome, but really, it could have happened to anyone.”  
“How did you know?” Olli asked.

“You weren’t with the rest of us,” Justin explained.

“Most people wouldn’t have noticed,” Olli said.

“We’re friends,” Justin said and put an end to any further discussion.

“What does your fortune say?” Justin asked as he broke his apart and crumbs landed on his dining room table. 

“Hm… ‘nothing so much to be feared as fear’,” Olli read. “What does yours say?”

“‘You don’t need strength to let go of something, what you really need is understanding’,” Justin said.

“Does that apply to you?” Olli asked. 

“I guess,” Justin shrugged. There was so much about Edmonton that haunted him and logically, he knew that one day it would just be a faint memory, healed over with time like a scar, but now, it was like a tether to him. “What about yours?”

Olli just laughed, “Maybe, it’s so vague that it could apply to anything.”  
“You don’t seem scared of much,” Justin noted.

“Are you kidding?” Olli said, “I was scared earlier today.”

“Yeah, but that’s extreme, like on a day to day thing,” Justin said. He knew that this type of conversation was probably too intimate for friends like them, but Olli didn’t seem to mind.

“Hm…I’m not a big fan of spiders,” Olli said with a faint smile, “But seriously, I guess, I’m afraid that I won’t be good enough.”

“For hockey?”

“Hockey, family, life, whatever,” Olli shrugged.

“I get that,” Justin said. It was understood that they were both skirting deeper issues than they wanted to expand on. For Justin, it was about Edmonton and for Olli, well, he wasn’t quite sure, but he wasn’t going to force the issue. They chatted for a little while longer, but on much lighter subjects. “Thanks for the dinner,” Justin said, when the night had come to a natural end and they were both full from the takeout. 

“Oh please, it was the least I could do,” Olli said. “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do.”

“Oh, actually, wait a second, there is one thing,” Justin said, before Olli left. 

“What?” Olli asked. 

“Sid mentioned that your building might have a few apartments for rent, would you mind putting in a good word for me?” Justin asked.

“Are you sure you don’t want to see it first?” Olli asked.

“I can pretty much live anywhere. An apartment’s an apartment,” Justin said. “Besides almost everyone else lives in Sewickley and it’d be nice to live near someone. I mean, if that’s okay?”

“Well, are you an obnoxious neighbor?” Olli teased.

“I only throw ragers at 3am four times a week,” Justin smiled.

“Seriously, though, it’d be great if you decided on it. I’ll put in a good word to the owner, okay?”  
“Sounds good, thanks,” Justin said. After Olli left, Justin smoothed out the fortune paper a few times and slipped it into his passport. Understanding, yeah, he could use a little of that. 

 

By Wednesday, Justin had already paid his deposit and started moving a few little things into #1123. 


	7. Chapter 7

_ You had a good game last week. I hope things are good for you in Pittsburgh, just give me a call okay, or at least text please _ . 

Justin looked at his phone for the sixth time before practice and sighed. There were so many things that he could reply with. His immediate reaction was to respond with  _ stop texting me and leave me alone _ . But he didn’t. He couldn’t because at least all of these unanswered text messages meant that he still cared about him. That despite leaving Edmonton, he was still paying attention to the games and what Justin was doing. 

“What’s up?” Olli asked, as he pulled the chest plate over his head.

“Just someone keeps texting me,” Justin sighed. 

“You know that you can get a number blocked,” Olli said.

“Yeah, I know, it’s just… complicated,” Justin said. The truth was he didn’t know if he wanted to do something like that. The silence might just hurt more. 

“Are you all moved in?” Olli asked. 

“Everything that I had in the hotel, but my parents are sending down some of the larger things in a little while to help fill in the spaces.”  
“Do you like it?” Olli asked. 

“Yeah, it’s a great place, good location, it was a great recommendation,” Justin said as he, too, pulled on his practice gear. 

“You should have a housewarming party,” Olli said.

Justin laughed, “Oh yeah, a housewarming party for an apartment I’ll be in for four months.”

Olli’s smile froze and Justin flinched. Someone as cheerful and as naturally happy as Olli shouldn’t have that expression on his face, and Justin definitely shouldn’t be the cause. 

“Don’t say that,” Olli said. 

“My contract’s only until the end of the season,” Justin said. “I’m just being realistic.”

“But we can resign you right?”

“I guess,” Justin shrugged, but deep down he knew that he was going to be shipped off to another team come June. Olli nodded, but still didn’t look satisfied with Justin’s response. It wasn’t like Justin was being negative, he just didn’t want to get his hopes again only to be disappointed. Edmonton was supposed to be forever and look how that turned out.

“Are you pissed at me?” Justin asked after practice, in which Olli’s sunny demeanor.

“No,” Olli said.

Justin stared at him pointedly.

“I’m not, I promise,” Olli said.

  
  


**You home?** Olli texted.

**Yeah. Why?** Justin replied. 

**Want some company?** Olli asked.

Justin wasn’t particularly doing anything. 

**Sure.** Justin said. 

Justin waited twenty minutes and was about to check and see where Olli was, since they were just living a few floors apart. When he heard a knock on the door, he opened it to see not just Olli but Sid, Geno, Geno’s fiancee, Rusty, Murray, and their girlfriends, Daley, and Tom. “Hey, the others are coming shortly,” Olli said as he handed Justin a case of beer. Sid handed over a stack of pans and skillets that had been newly bought, and Geno gave a casserole dish that had some sort of Russian food that Justin had never heard of. The rookies brought more of the fun things like video games for Justin’s Xbox or snacks for later. 

They all spread out between Justin’s table and his couch and chairs in the living room. Even then, Geno and Daley were forced to sit on the floor so that they could all watch the basketball game that was currently playing on ESPN. Olli was perched on the armchair of the sofa and both he and Justin sandwiched Tom on the couch. Stephen Curry scored a three pointer and the guys all cheered. Justin leaned back and made eye contact with Olli. “Thank you,” he mouthed.  

“You’re welcome,” Olli mouthed back. Rusty and Tom were bugging someone to grab them a beer, saying that they couldn’t get it themselves because they didn’t want to miss a second of the game. Olli offered to grab a few more, already having finished his first one, and headed to the kitchen. On the way, he reached over and mussed Justin’s hair to elicit a faint cry of surprise. 

As he tried to fix his hair, Justin made eye contact with Sid whose jaws was clenched tightly and had witnessed everything. Justin just shrugged and smiled, but Sid just took another slow drink from his beer. 


	8. Chapter 8

“No…” Olli whined from deep inside the dressing room.

“Come on,” Flower said. “It could be a thing. You, me, Vero, and Nat.”  
“That will _never_ be a thing,” Olli said, “And besides she’s probably _old_.”

“Are you calling me old? Sid, did he just call me old?”

“I think he did,” Sid replied.

“What, you think that I’m old?” Flower said as he wrestled Olli only halfway clad in his goalie padding.

“I know so,” Olli said.

“Can an old guy do this?” Flower asked as he pinned Olli to the ground. Horny ganged up with Flower and started the count like in WWE.

“Help me,” Olli asked feebly, though the rest of the team knew better than to gang up against a goalie.

Sid was smiling although he refused to intervene. 

“What’s going on?” Justin asked Ian as Horny reached two. 

“Oh, they’re just trying to set Olli up again,” Ian said.

“Does this happen often?” Justin asked.

Olli wriggled out from Flower’s hold and stood up.

“Sometimes. Sid and Flower are usually the main ones who’ve been trying to set Olli up with someone, but they’ve laid off for a while.”  
“Huh?”

“They’re worse than my mother was before I was married.”

“Seriously, though, this conversation isn’t over. You’d love Natalie,” Flower said, “She’s exactly your type.”

“The conversation is over,” Olli said, “Besides you have no idea what my type even is.”

“Give him a break, besides he’s not the only single one on the team now,” Matt said. A few heads turned towards Justin who feebly held up his hands in surrender. 

“Nope, don’t drag me into this,” Justin said.

“Yes, yes, drag him into this,” Olli said. “Besides he’s older than me.”

“No, I just walked into this conversation,” Justin said. 

“Uh, uh, nope,” Olli laughed as he grabbed Justin and almost shoved him in front of Flower. “You’re not getting out of this. We’ve found you a new victim.”  
“You’re throwing me under the bus,” Justin complained. The rest of the team had lost interest in them except for Flower who couldn’t help but take an interest.

“Consider it part of your welcome,” Olli said.

“Isn’t this considered bullying?” Justin asked Sid, who just frowned at them.

“Nope, setting your teammates up on blind dates is fair game,” Sid said. Olli let go of Justin, but his smile didn’t fade. 

“You just want to live vicariously through us,” Olli said. “All of you happily married people and all of you with your girlfriends, you just want us to be tied down like you.” 

“Hey, I love being married,” Flower protested.

“I know and now you want everyone else to be married as well,” Olli rolled his eyes.

“If only so that you can experience the same joys of marriage as the rest of us,” Flower said.

Olli just rolled his eyes.

 

Justin was relieved that Flower hadn’t tried to set him up in the days after the conversation with Olli. It seemed that Olli’s protests had at least gotten him out of Flower’s plans for a little while. Justin knew that at some point he’d have to tackle his dating history. It had already been brought up twice and if he was set to be here for a little while, he knew that he’d either need to come up with a story or tell the truth, or at the very least a version of the truth. 

 

“Hey,” Sid called Justin over after practice a few days later. Most of their other teammates had already left or at least were well on their way to leaving. He lowered his voice and pulled Justin to a corner of the locker room.   
“In case you ever need to blow off some steam,” Sid slipped a business card into Justin’s hand. “Here, try this place, you won’t end up on Deadspin.” Justin glanced at the unassuming card. There was nothing flashy about it and aside from 

When he got home, he googled the name. The first website to pop-up was for a club on the other end of town. It wasn’t really Justin’s thing so he was rather confused as to why Sid would have given him the card, but then he realized. It wasn’t just any club. It was a gay club. Sid knew. They’d hinted around the subject before, but now it was clear, Sid knew that Justin was gay. Justin’s mouth dried up.

 

The next day, he arrived at practice as late as possible, waiting for one of his teammates to comment. He knew that Sid was a good guy, and it wouldn’t even be that they would be mean about it, it just would become a  _ thing _ like it had before. Nobody said anything though. 

“You didn’t say anything,” Justin said.

“I gave you the name of a club,” Sid said, “It’s not like it’s newsworthy.”

“But it’s…”

“Look, I didn’t do it to make you uncomfortable, it’s a place that anyone can go to, I’ve been there a few times, sometimes just when I don’t really want to get hit on, people are discrete there and that’s it,” Sid said. He was up to tackle the next drill and Justin knew that that was the end of the conversation and he surprisingly felt a sense of relief. Even though Sid knew, and Justin knew that he probably had heard the other rumors too, those that were also true, he didn’t talk about it and maybe, just maybe it would be okay.

When he got back to his apartment, the business card caught his eye once again. Justin knew, he  _ knew _ , that he should throw it out. But a part of him, after being reassured by Sid, wondered what it would be like and so he kept it just in case there would be a day when he’d want to go.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a small panic attack in this just FYI.

  
The puck sank in the back of the net and Justin couldn’t believe it as he was rushed into a hug by his teammates. Justin almost didn’t believe it even after the game had ended and he was asked to stay back for interviews. 

“Here,” Geno said gruffly. His glove was covered around a puck that Justin realized was the one he’d scored on. 

“It’s not my first goal,” Justin said.

“It is as Pen,” Geno said as he shoved the puck into Justin’s hands.

Justin looked down and smiled. For the first time since the trade he truly felt like part of the team.

 

After everyone was showered and changed, there was a moment where they were left pondering what they should do.  

“Want to go out and celebrate?” Bryan asked.

“Nah, thanks, though,” Justin said, “I’ll probably just crash when I get home.”

“Beers this weekend, though, promise?”

“Sure,” Justin said. 

He had expected that he’d return and crash like he often did after hard fought games. Instead, though, when he got home a little after eleven, he felted energized, still coming down from the high of scoring a goal. Even after he’d gotten changed and was ready to go to bed, 

He was careful to wear regular clothes with nothing to link him to hockey or the Penguins. He put a baseball hat on low, even though it was the last thing that he’d usually wear to a club and took a taxi to a few blocks away from the club. He walked the remainder of the way, careful to keep his eyes down and not attract attention. 

The club, at least for the outside, didn’t look much like a club. It had a modestly decorated door in a brick building that didn’t look like a place for an auspiciously gay club. It took him a few minutes to talk himself into going in. He walked inside, past the coatroom to the inside of the club. The middle had largely been carved away to make room for a dancefloor. 

He scanned the crowd from where he stood near a wall. Nobody was looking at him. Everyone was either too busy in their own conversations or enjoying the thrall of the dance floor that Justin wasn’t even on their radar. He watched couples grind up against each other on the dance floor, the tangle of legs made it impossible to discern where one body started and the next began. 

The music wasn’t as loud as it was in most clubs, and on the outskirts a few people were afforded the ability to talk privately. There was a large bar at one side of the room were a few people were hanging out with beers and speciality drinks in their hands.

“You look a little lost,”   

“Uh, yeah, I don’t usually come to places like this,” Justin said. If the guy recognized him it didn’t show.

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“I don’t-”  
“It’s just a drink, nothing more,” the guy said. He wasn’t Justin’s type exactly, he had light brown hair, calming blue eyes and a nice button down shirt. But going for his type was precisely what had gotten him into a mess in the first place.

“Sure, I guess,” Justin said. 

“I’m Mike,” the guy said as they walked over to the bar.

“J- uh- Jay,” Justin said deciding at the last minute to not use his real name.

“Nice to meet you. What do you want to drink?”  
“Just a beer, thanks,” Justin said.

Mike turned away for a moment to order their drinks and Justin continued to look around. At the end of the bar, he saw a shock of light blond hair and an unmistakable build. Justin didn’t realize he was holding his breath until the man turned slightly and his suspicions were confirmed. It was Olli. Olli’s eyes connected with his and he smiled in recognition. 

“Hey!” Olli said as he approached him. His heart quickened and he could feel the panic begin to set in. 

“I’m sorry I have to go,” Justin said as he pushed away from Mike. Olli followed him in confusion as Justin tried to squeeze through the crowd.

“Justin?” Olli asked cautiously.

“I didn’t-”  
“Hey, it’s okay,” Olli said and gently reached out to touch Justin’s arm.

“I have to-” Justin said.

Olli’s brow furrowed as he came even closer to Justin, “Justin, calm down.” 

“I can’t… it wasn’t supposed to…” Justin stammered. His breath was coming in small gasps and Olli’s eyes widened. 

“Hey, I think you’re having a panic attack,” Olli said. “Come on.” He wrapped his arm around Justin’s waist and half dragged him half guided him out of the club to a side street. 

“You’re okay,” Olli said, “It’s okay,” as Justin tried to catch his breath. He leaned up against the brick wall. 

Olli didn’t seem to quite know what to say so he just waited there and watched Justin calm down. It took a few minutes, but thankfully nobody followed them or asked what they were doing out there. 

“Are you okay?” Olli asked as Justin slowly returned to normal.

“Yeah,” Justin said.

“Come on, my car’s this way, I think we need to talk,” Olli said. 

“Do we?” Justin asked.

“Well, you probably need to talk, if you want.”

Justin just followed him but Olli assumed that was a form of agreement.

 

The ride to their apartment building was quiet, Justin was deep in thought and he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to tell Olli if anything. But unlike Justin, Olli hadn’t freaked out. In fact, he’d seemed quite friendly in the club and Justin knew that most Scandinavians didn’t have issues with homosexuality. 

At stops, Justin noticed Olli occasionally glancing over at him. 

They headed to Justin’s apartment in silence and it wasn’t until the door shut that someone said something.

“So… Do you want to start or should I?” Olli asked as he shifted uncomfortably. 

“I guess you can start,” Justin said.

“Okay, so I’m bi,” Olli said.

Justin’s eyebrows rose. He wasn’t expecting that. “Really?”  
“Yeah, I mean some of the other guys are there just for privacy’s sake sometimes, but yeah, I was there out of genuine interest.”  
“So Flower?” 

“Oh he knows, most of the team does anyways, Sid, Geno, they all know, though I’m not sure about some of the newer guys, it’s an open secret and I can promise you, he doesn’t stop trying to set you up once he knows you’re interested in men, too.”  
“I’m not though,” Justin said thickly.

“Hm?” Olli asked.

“It’s not ‘too’ for me,” Justin said. “I’m gay.”

“Okay, thanks for telling me,” Olli said. 

“Did the other guys give you problems?” Justin asked.

“Not really. Not for being bi at least,” Olli said.

“But they gave you problems?” Justin asked.

“There were other things going on at that time,” Olli said dismissively, “But those ended anyways.”

“I told the guys up at Edmonton, I mean you must have heard the rumors,” Justin said.

“I did, but then again I’ve heard rumors about most people in the NHL, even the married ones, so I don’t put much weight on them. I am sorry, though,” Olli said.

“For what?” Justin asked.

“For making you come out to me, I guess,” Olli said. “Seeing me there must have freaked you out, especially if you were nervous coming in the first place.”  
“I was, but in an odd way it helps,” Justin said, “Sid was the only one who knew but he doesn’t really understand, you know, and it was okay in Edmonton with the guys, but I didn’t know how these guys would react.”  
“Well, the good news for you is it’s tried and tested, and if you do decide to tell them, they will have your back. I promise you,” Olli said. “Don’t think that you have to, though. I just want you to know that either way, it’s okay.”  
“Thanks,” Justin said with a genuine smile.

“You’re welcome,” Olli said. “Are you okay to be alone tonight?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Okay,” Olli said before seeing himself out. Just as he was about to leave though, he turned as if to say something more to Justin.

“Did you say something?” 

“No, it’s nothing. Good night,” Olli said and Justin felt an odd sense of ease come over him. He hadn’t told Olli everything and Olli wasn’t entitled to know everything that happened in Edmonton yet, but he knew enough and he didn’t flinch even. And that was enough for now. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I'm available at theempressofpenguin.tumblr.com so don't hesitate to come over for a chat.


End file.
